The Injured Ego

This isn't the first time in my 44 years that I have been unemployed, but I find that each time I am unemployed, I find new challenges and some of the same old ones.

I have to admit that one of the worst stings is the injured ego. There's just something about finding yourself dispensable that cuts to the quick and then some. It's especially bruising when your lack of gainful employment is public knowledge in a small town. You begin to imagine that people who whisper in the grocery store or gas station are talking about you. You start to wonder if your previous boss, who offered to be a "good" reference for you when he informed you that you WERE the budget cut, is sabotaging your efforts to find work. Everything that anyone says to you is examined for any possible double meaning related to your current employment (or in this case--LACK OF) status.

The sad thing is that you cannot separate your ego from your work. When someone is first introduced to you, the natural first question is "So, what do you do?"  It brings the conversation to a stop when you say that you are unemployed, or that you currently fill out applications for jobs without any hope of obtaining one any time soon. Talk about a downer! Nobody want to waste their time on an unemployed person with NO prospects. It isn't really as if I have no prospects, but , hey, I'm a teacher! Openings do not often come around after Labor Day because the teachers are under contract for the school year around here! My only hope is that somebody's spouse will have to move out of state causing them to resign before their contract expires. That is not a frequent occurrence around here.

I have been told that I should perhaps move to an area with more jobs. The national news has convinced me that the problem is too widespread for that, besides, I live in an area near my extended family and LIKE letting my kids get to know their grandparents! I do not want to sacrifice my children for my job. They only have one childhood, but, I am beginning to understand, I may have more than one career.

I suppose it was naieve of me to think that when I received my degree and teaching certificate, that I would teach for decades, then retire. It isn't going to happen. Probably not for me or for anyone else of our generation. We will all have more than one career.

The times are changing, although we could debate forever whether it is for good or evil. The mere fact that they are changing is enough. Now, we/I must choose to change with the times, because there is no alternative. I must change with the times because the times will not change for me.

It is time to reinvent, but I will still stubbornly continue to apply for those teaching jobs. There is just something so enticing about helping shape the future....Although is bruises me to my core (my ego), I will continue to seek and learn, and promote a love of learning.