Amazingly, I got the job. "I got the job." Still hard to believe--I got the job. Sorry, I know I'm being redundant, but after such a long time without a job, I'm just having to repeat over and over that "I got the job" just to try to make it real.
Now the hard part. How to do the job well. I teach special needs kids, and the LAST thing that a special needs kid should have to contend with is an incompetent teacher. I'm signed up for a college class in instructional methods to refresh & add to my knowledge in that area, and going to trainings for IEP-writing and assessment. I will give it my best, and pray that my best will be enough to help these wonderful kids make the progress they deserve to make.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A Guarded "WooHoo!"
Finally!!! I have been called for an interview for a job in the subject area of my preference, and at a school system where I think I could really enjoy making a difference. I am trying to keep perspective, and to keep from getting my hopes up or my heart set on this job. I tell myself that a lesser-qualified person will most likely be hired because that is the reality I have been facing for the past year. My master's degree has kept me from being hired, according to the people who have been gracious enough to speak candidly with me about what would have made me a better candidate for jobs I haven't gotten. It is hard to hear, "we would have preferred to hire you because you were the best qualified, but we just can't afford to hire you."
Kentucky public schools have salary schedules that include pay increases according to the level of education achieved, and the years of experience attained. I am more expensive to hire because I have a master's degree, so it is more financially beneficial to school districts to hire lesser-educated candidates for jobs. It is ironic that in the education industry, it is EDUCATION that can prevent job acquisition. Yet, I wouldn't have the salary schedules thrown out, because it would probably erase any hope of teachers being paid equitably.
It is a sad reality that I completely understand, and even empathize, with those who have passed me over for jobs. I would have made the same regretful decisions in their place. It is simply reality that we have to be mindful of budgets in these times of tough economic straits. In an ideal world, we would make all educational decisions, even hiring and firing of teachers, based solely upon the best interests of the students; we do not live in an ideal world, and sometimes there simply is not enough funding to do what is in the best interest of the students. For most people in education, that is a very bitter pill to swallow because most of us are educators because of an intense desire to help students achieve at their highest level.
It's that desire that has made the past year so difficult. It's hard to help students succeed if you are unemployed. I yearn to be in the trenches of education--the classroom. I love to learn, and love to help others learn. The moment that a student finally gets a concept that has been so difficult, their "lightbulb" moment, and knowing I helped them make the connection that brought light--well, that's the most satisfying feeling I have ever felt. It is hard to describe. It is at that moment that I feel as though I am in the right place, doing the right thing, and at the right time. Those are the perfect moments that I treasure.
It has been a difficult year because I truly love kids, especially those at the middle school level. The hilarity of the classroom on an hourly basis is irresistible to me. I love and treasure all those spontaneous moments that are so funny that the whole classroom erupts with laughter. Laughing with students help create a bond of love that lets students relax in the classroom, and know that they are loved, mistakes and all. It helps them to know that it isn't the end of the world if they get a wrong answer. We can laugh it off, start again, and better remember the right answer because of the memory of laughing over the wrong ones.
I like to share the hilarious moments from previous classes with students. Some have encouraged me to write a book of them; some have even told me that I should be a stand-up comic because of how they love my funny stories. I like how humor helps kids to remember content. I think that we have lost too much of our sense of humor in education. We are faced with the seemingly impossible task of teaching more content in less time and to higher standards; it has made us take ourselves too seriously. That robs learning of its fun. The reason I have always loved learning is the fun of it.
In the unlikely event that I actually get the job, I pledge to myself and my future students that I will not take myself too seriously, and that we WILL laugh together. Because we will laugh together, we will learn together. I will release a guarded, "WooHoo!" in anticipation of the love, laughter, and learning, and hope that I can once again make a difference, Lord willing.
Kentucky public schools have salary schedules that include pay increases according to the level of education achieved, and the years of experience attained. I am more expensive to hire because I have a master's degree, so it is more financially beneficial to school districts to hire lesser-educated candidates for jobs. It is ironic that in the education industry, it is EDUCATION that can prevent job acquisition. Yet, I wouldn't have the salary schedules thrown out, because it would probably erase any hope of teachers being paid equitably.
It is a sad reality that I completely understand, and even empathize, with those who have passed me over for jobs. I would have made the same regretful decisions in their place. It is simply reality that we have to be mindful of budgets in these times of tough economic straits. In an ideal world, we would make all educational decisions, even hiring and firing of teachers, based solely upon the best interests of the students; we do not live in an ideal world, and sometimes there simply is not enough funding to do what is in the best interest of the students. For most people in education, that is a very bitter pill to swallow because most of us are educators because of an intense desire to help students achieve at their highest level.
It's that desire that has made the past year so difficult. It's hard to help students succeed if you are unemployed. I yearn to be in the trenches of education--the classroom. I love to learn, and love to help others learn. The moment that a student finally gets a concept that has been so difficult, their "lightbulb" moment, and knowing I helped them make the connection that brought light--well, that's the most satisfying feeling I have ever felt. It is hard to describe. It is at that moment that I feel as though I am in the right place, doing the right thing, and at the right time. Those are the perfect moments that I treasure.
It has been a difficult year because I truly love kids, especially those at the middle school level. The hilarity of the classroom on an hourly basis is irresistible to me. I love and treasure all those spontaneous moments that are so funny that the whole classroom erupts with laughter. Laughing with students help create a bond of love that lets students relax in the classroom, and know that they are loved, mistakes and all. It helps them to know that it isn't the end of the world if they get a wrong answer. We can laugh it off, start again, and better remember the right answer because of the memory of laughing over the wrong ones.
I like to share the hilarious moments from previous classes with students. Some have encouraged me to write a book of them; some have even told me that I should be a stand-up comic because of how they love my funny stories. I like how humor helps kids to remember content. I think that we have lost too much of our sense of humor in education. We are faced with the seemingly impossible task of teaching more content in less time and to higher standards; it has made us take ourselves too seriously. That robs learning of its fun. The reason I have always loved learning is the fun of it.
In the unlikely event that I actually get the job, I pledge to myself and my future students that I will not take myself too seriously, and that we WILL laugh together. Because we will laugh together, we will learn together. I will release a guarded, "WooHoo!" in anticipation of the love, laughter, and learning, and hope that I can once again make a difference, Lord willing.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Guessing Games
Sometimes I wonder how much of my life I have spent in "Guessing" games. Much of life is a guessing game, for me anyway. I can remember as a child trying to guess what my parents' reactions would be to various things from my birthday wishlist to my refusal to eat my beans. Then after I started school, I would weigh options, and try to guess the teacher's reaction to each before deciding on a course of action. Later, as the opinions of peers became more important, I tried to guess how to get on the good side of my classmates.
As an employee, part of the time is spent trying to guess what the "boss" wants. In my experience, it seems to be a rare employer who makes his or her wants clear to employees. One of my bosses was so vague, that it was very nearly impossible to gauge what he wanted. He might as well have said, "be good." It's somewhat up to debate as to what "good" is. Then when I was informed that I would not be rehired for the next year, I was once told that I was "good." I must admit to a bit of confusion on the whole "good" issue in the workplace. Of course, I understood that he meant that "good" wasn't "good enough" to continue on his team. He didn't wish to take the time to transform me from "good" to his opinion of "great" so I was out. I no longer have to play his guessing games about how he would define "good." That fact is something that I consider to be "good" or maybe even "great" by my definition. I do not consider it to be entertainment when I have to guess what is expected of me, or what someone's reaction will be.
Some people seem to thrive on games, even guessing games. Not me. If I had a dollar for every time someone has said something to me about how I "don't know how to play the game," I wouldn't have to play any games or work because I'd have so much money I'd never be able to spend it all. I could probably feed all the starving people in third-world countries with it, and have plenty to spare. Seriously! A friend once told me that I not only did not know how to play the game, but seemed blissfully unaware that there was any game going on at all. She meant it nicely, but even someone as oblivious to reality as myself can figure out that it is not good to be unaware of the politics at work around a person.
Sometimes I have to wonder how many of the problems I have had in the workplace are because of my lack of political savvy, my lack of "game-playing" skill. I have to admit that I do not even want to play the game, whatever it is, because everyone I have heard speak of "the game" has said things that indicate that this is a game of manipulation. I have a problem with treating human beings as if they are marionettes. I do not want to pull people's strings to make them dance. I would much prefer to be appreciative of their dance that is inspired by their own ideas, thoughts, and desires. I do not think that what I want others to do is as important as allowing them to choose their pathway. I would not want someone else to deliberately mislead me to cause me to act a certain way. It seems very dishonest to me.
When I try to explain that "the game" seems manipulative and dishonest, people look at me funny and tell me that "everybody does it," which is of course untrue. After all, I am one of "everybody" and I do not play "the game." In fact, as my friend already established, I do not usually even know it is being played! Even I realize there are manipulators everywhere, but I usually can't tell who they are until after they have caused me harm.
I am better able to guess who the "gameplayers" in hindsight. I have noticed a pattern over the years. The gamplayers usually seem to be the people who wanted me to participate in belittling other people whether in conversation at the watercooler, employee lounge, or through emails. I apparently offend gameplayers by not participating in their feeding frenzies. I am very turned off by people who enjoy the pain of others. When someone starts making fun of how someone else is dressed, how they talk, or any other part of the person's identity, I usually try to walk away because I know that if I stay around I will end up in trouble with the gleeful bully. I have a nasty tendency to ruin all the fun by saying something like, "No, I don't think it's funny that she is wearing an outfit that is too tight. I assume she is doing the best she can with her resources just like the rest of us." That's usually the start of the end for me.
If you fail to respond the way the master gameplayer wants in any given workplace, your time there is usually limited. Apparently that is where I am clueless. I never know what they are up to. I have always thought that if I do my very best, treat others better than I expect to be treated, and go the extra mile, that I would succeed. I insist on believing that. I will admit, however, that I will not be employed long in some places if that is how I conduct myself.
It's okay, though. I'd rather be unemployed, than dead inside. If I played such hurtful games with people's lives, I'm pretty sure it would kill the best part of me, and I'd feel as dead inside as those people must feel to have no compassion for their victims. Some serial killers only kill emotionally, and there is apparently no law against it. I am thankful that they do not have the nerve to do physically what they do emotionally to their victims, or there would be an epidemic of ghastly, gruesome crime.
Many of the master gameplayers would be highly offended that I lump them with serial killers, but I see in them the same lack of compassion that is apparently in the criminals who repeatedly take life from others. I understand that what the master gameplayers do is not always as permanent as what the criminals do. I just wish that they cared that sometimes it is that permanent. Not everybody forgets the hurtful looks and words. Some take the gameplayers ridicule to heart and believe themselves to be as lacking in value as the gameplayer held them to be. Not everybody overcomes being devalued.
I will continue to be a poor gameplayer, I suppose. It is easier on my conscience than the guilt I would feel for any part in the gameplaying and its devastation. I think I have enough flaws, vices, and sins to account for, so I do not need to add any additional ones that might acrue through this "game" that is apparently played in every workplace. I suppose it will be refreshing to work at a great multitude of different workplaces over my career. On the bright side, I will only be inflicted with each game or master gameplayer for a limited time. It is always easier to bear those things which are temporary. I wonder how long it will take to recognize the master gameplayer at my next workplace? Will I see him/her coming, or only recognize him/her in hindsight? I "guess" it doesn't matter, because my time with him/her will only be temporary!
As an employee, part of the time is spent trying to guess what the "boss" wants. In my experience, it seems to be a rare employer who makes his or her wants clear to employees. One of my bosses was so vague, that it was very nearly impossible to gauge what he wanted. He might as well have said, "be good." It's somewhat up to debate as to what "good" is. Then when I was informed that I would not be rehired for the next year, I was once told that I was "good." I must admit to a bit of confusion on the whole "good" issue in the workplace. Of course, I understood that he meant that "good" wasn't "good enough" to continue on his team. He didn't wish to take the time to transform me from "good" to his opinion of "great" so I was out. I no longer have to play his guessing games about how he would define "good." That fact is something that I consider to be "good" or maybe even "great" by my definition. I do not consider it to be entertainment when I have to guess what is expected of me, or what someone's reaction will be.
Some people seem to thrive on games, even guessing games. Not me. If I had a dollar for every time someone has said something to me about how I "don't know how to play the game," I wouldn't have to play any games or work because I'd have so much money I'd never be able to spend it all. I could probably feed all the starving people in third-world countries with it, and have plenty to spare. Seriously! A friend once told me that I not only did not know how to play the game, but seemed blissfully unaware that there was any game going on at all. She meant it nicely, but even someone as oblivious to reality as myself can figure out that it is not good to be unaware of the politics at work around a person.
Sometimes I have to wonder how many of the problems I have had in the workplace are because of my lack of political savvy, my lack of "game-playing" skill. I have to admit that I do not even want to play the game, whatever it is, because everyone I have heard speak of "the game" has said things that indicate that this is a game of manipulation. I have a problem with treating human beings as if they are marionettes. I do not want to pull people's strings to make them dance. I would much prefer to be appreciative of their dance that is inspired by their own ideas, thoughts, and desires. I do not think that what I want others to do is as important as allowing them to choose their pathway. I would not want someone else to deliberately mislead me to cause me to act a certain way. It seems very dishonest to me.
When I try to explain that "the game" seems manipulative and dishonest, people look at me funny and tell me that "everybody does it," which is of course untrue. After all, I am one of "everybody" and I do not play "the game." In fact, as my friend already established, I do not usually even know it is being played! Even I realize there are manipulators everywhere, but I usually can't tell who they are until after they have caused me harm.
I am better able to guess who the "gameplayers" in hindsight. I have noticed a pattern over the years. The gamplayers usually seem to be the people who wanted me to participate in belittling other people whether in conversation at the watercooler, employee lounge, or through emails. I apparently offend gameplayers by not participating in their feeding frenzies. I am very turned off by people who enjoy the pain of others. When someone starts making fun of how someone else is dressed, how they talk, or any other part of the person's identity, I usually try to walk away because I know that if I stay around I will end up in trouble with the gleeful bully. I have a nasty tendency to ruin all the fun by saying something like, "No, I don't think it's funny that she is wearing an outfit that is too tight. I assume she is doing the best she can with her resources just like the rest of us." That's usually the start of the end for me.
If you fail to respond the way the master gameplayer wants in any given workplace, your time there is usually limited. Apparently that is where I am clueless. I never know what they are up to. I have always thought that if I do my very best, treat others better than I expect to be treated, and go the extra mile, that I would succeed. I insist on believing that. I will admit, however, that I will not be employed long in some places if that is how I conduct myself.
It's okay, though. I'd rather be unemployed, than dead inside. If I played such hurtful games with people's lives, I'm pretty sure it would kill the best part of me, and I'd feel as dead inside as those people must feel to have no compassion for their victims. Some serial killers only kill emotionally, and there is apparently no law against it. I am thankful that they do not have the nerve to do physically what they do emotionally to their victims, or there would be an epidemic of ghastly, gruesome crime.
Many of the master gameplayers would be highly offended that I lump them with serial killers, but I see in them the same lack of compassion that is apparently in the criminals who repeatedly take life from others. I understand that what the master gameplayers do is not always as permanent as what the criminals do. I just wish that they cared that sometimes it is that permanent. Not everybody forgets the hurtful looks and words. Some take the gameplayers ridicule to heart and believe themselves to be as lacking in value as the gameplayer held them to be. Not everybody overcomes being devalued.
I will continue to be a poor gameplayer, I suppose. It is easier on my conscience than the guilt I would feel for any part in the gameplaying and its devastation. I think I have enough flaws, vices, and sins to account for, so I do not need to add any additional ones that might acrue through this "game" that is apparently played in every workplace. I suppose it will be refreshing to work at a great multitude of different workplaces over my career. On the bright side, I will only be inflicted with each game or master gameplayer for a limited time. It is always easier to bear those things which are temporary. I wonder how long it will take to recognize the master gameplayer at my next workplace? Will I see him/her coming, or only recognize him/her in hindsight? I "guess" it doesn't matter, because my time with him/her will only be temporary!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Ways to amuse yourself while Unemployed
Having been unemployed for more than half a year, now, I have decided to at least have a sense of humor about it. I'll admit that my sense of humor is probably not mainstream, and may even be rather warped, but it's my sense of humor, and it works better than most employment agencies (pah-rum-pum--insert rim shot sound effect here).
Seriously, oops- I mean deliriously, though, there are many amusing things about being unemployed. You can smile as others complain about their bosses because you don't have one. The down side is that you have to come up with some other villain to blame for your stress in life. The good news is that there are many candidates to fill this role; pick a politician, any politician. (another rim shot here)
Being jobless is amusing when you take your job hunt very seriously. You get to see the look of shock on the faces of the workers at the unemployment office when they had you the form to list your job contacts (they expect 6), and you ask if it is okay to attach the 4-page, typed, single-spaced copy you brought with you. The most amusing response was the choking sound one worker made as she swallowed her gum. She quickly recovered, regained her composure, and said, "Umm, yeah, that would be fine. Just write 'see attached' on the space provided to list them." When I left she was still sitting there thumbing through the pages with a look of shock.
It's also amusing to think of outlandish answers that you'd never give to their routine questions: "Have you been actively seeking employment?" You fantasize answering, "No, I've been inactively seeking employment. I sleep with the help-wanted ads under my pillow and expect the perfect job to become mine through the power of osmosis as it seeps from the ads through my pillow into my brain." Of course, you actually answer, "Yes," and try to seem attentive instead of bored, impatient, and frustrated.
Then there's the question, "Have you quit or lost a job since you first filed for this unemployment?" You answer, "No." But you fantasize about answering: "Of course, I've had one job per day since I filed, and quit each and every one because there is just such an abundance of employment opportunities that I simply can't decide what I'd like to do--so many offers, so little time, you know."
Another way to amuse oneself while unemployed is to fill out online applications. Some applications ask the most amusing questions. Some are not as amusing, and have many checkboxes instead of open blanks for your answer. The ones with blanks for your answer are the ones who can give you a laugh. I fantasize about answering in the blank for "sex" something like: "daily," "only with spouse," or "not professionally." Of course, being the good unemployed person that I am, I answer with my gender instead. Not funny at all. The questions about a criminal record can be amusing. As can the ones that ask about additional responsibilities you might be willing to undertake. I apply for teaching jobs, so they ask about extra-curricular activities that I'd be willing to sponsor. Many times there is no pay for these extra duties. It's pretty much standard practice that non-tenured teachers have little choice but to sponsor activities even if it is hard to make the time with other job and family demands. Sure, I'm willing to do whatever. I'm as unqualified as the next person to sponsor the whatever-I've-never-heard-of club or activity. Each school has different activities available, and often those stuck sponsoring them have no clue about the activity until they learn on the job by sponsoring them.Those applications can be pretty amusing if you really consider the questions.
Or even better, take one of those pre-employment surveys that are part of the application process for some jobs. One survey that I took was so obviously looking for possible racism that anybody would know what answers they wanted you to pick to prove yourself "worthy" of the next-but-rarely-reached stage of being called for an interview. Sometimes, it isn't amusing and simply gives an applicant an insight to what is considered a problem with the institution where you are applying. Really, there is nothing amusing about racism, but it is amusing that they assume that racists are stupid enough to answer in ways that would give away their racist tendencies. Of course, it is probably all a subterfuge to prevent anyone from suing later and proving the institution to be negligent in its hiring practices by not somehow "screening" to prevent racists/perverts/etc. from being hired. Seriously, however, I doubt any pedophile is going to answer "yes" to questions about whether he/she finds children arousing. Not if he/she wants a job, or to stay out of jail.
I've even found a way to get amusement when in conversation, someone asks, "What do you do?" Now I answer, "Oh, I'm an employment instrument assessment engineer." The honest translation? "I fill out job applications, and form an opinion about the quality of the application." I no longer expect the application to yield a job; I just consider it an exercise in assessing the quality of the application. Some applications drone on for dozens of pages, and do not really give a decent picture of my assets, while others can be a single page and really succintly sum up my attributes that would benefit the company/institution. Perhaps I should just start answering, "I am a comic who makes fun of the employed, and what do you do?" Their answer could give me a whole new topic to use for my amusement.
Seriously, oops- I mean deliriously, though, there are many amusing things about being unemployed. You can smile as others complain about their bosses because you don't have one. The down side is that you have to come up with some other villain to blame for your stress in life. The good news is that there are many candidates to fill this role; pick a politician, any politician. (another rim shot here)
Being jobless is amusing when you take your job hunt very seriously. You get to see the look of shock on the faces of the workers at the unemployment office when they had you the form to list your job contacts (they expect 6), and you ask if it is okay to attach the 4-page, typed, single-spaced copy you brought with you. The most amusing response was the choking sound one worker made as she swallowed her gum. She quickly recovered, regained her composure, and said, "Umm, yeah, that would be fine. Just write 'see attached' on the space provided to list them." When I left she was still sitting there thumbing through the pages with a look of shock.
It's also amusing to think of outlandish answers that you'd never give to their routine questions: "Have you been actively seeking employment?" You fantasize answering, "No, I've been inactively seeking employment. I sleep with the help-wanted ads under my pillow and expect the perfect job to become mine through the power of osmosis as it seeps from the ads through my pillow into my brain." Of course, you actually answer, "Yes," and try to seem attentive instead of bored, impatient, and frustrated.
Then there's the question, "Have you quit or lost a job since you first filed for this unemployment?" You answer, "No." But you fantasize about answering: "Of course, I've had one job per day since I filed, and quit each and every one because there is just such an abundance of employment opportunities that I simply can't decide what I'd like to do--so many offers, so little time, you know."
Another way to amuse oneself while unemployed is to fill out online applications. Some applications ask the most amusing questions. Some are not as amusing, and have many checkboxes instead of open blanks for your answer. The ones with blanks for your answer are the ones who can give you a laugh. I fantasize about answering in the blank for "sex" something like: "daily," "only with spouse," or "not professionally." Of course, being the good unemployed person that I am, I answer with my gender instead. Not funny at all. The questions about a criminal record can be amusing. As can the ones that ask about additional responsibilities you might be willing to undertake. I apply for teaching jobs, so they ask about extra-curricular activities that I'd be willing to sponsor. Many times there is no pay for these extra duties. It's pretty much standard practice that non-tenured teachers have little choice but to sponsor activities even if it is hard to make the time with other job and family demands. Sure, I'm willing to do whatever. I'm as unqualified as the next person to sponsor the whatever-I've-never-heard-of club or activity. Each school has different activities available, and often those stuck sponsoring them have no clue about the activity until they learn on the job by sponsoring them.Those applications can be pretty amusing if you really consider the questions.
Or even better, take one of those pre-employment surveys that are part of the application process for some jobs. One survey that I took was so obviously looking for possible racism that anybody would know what answers they wanted you to pick to prove yourself "worthy" of the next-but-rarely-reached stage of being called for an interview. Sometimes, it isn't amusing and simply gives an applicant an insight to what is considered a problem with the institution where you are applying. Really, there is nothing amusing about racism, but it is amusing that they assume that racists are stupid enough to answer in ways that would give away their racist tendencies. Of course, it is probably all a subterfuge to prevent anyone from suing later and proving the institution to be negligent in its hiring practices by not somehow "screening" to prevent racists/perverts/etc. from being hired. Seriously, however, I doubt any pedophile is going to answer "yes" to questions about whether he/she finds children arousing. Not if he/she wants a job, or to stay out of jail.
I've even found a way to get amusement when in conversation, someone asks, "What do you do?" Now I answer, "Oh, I'm an employment instrument assessment engineer." The honest translation? "I fill out job applications, and form an opinion about the quality of the application." I no longer expect the application to yield a job; I just consider it an exercise in assessing the quality of the application. Some applications drone on for dozens of pages, and do not really give a decent picture of my assets, while others can be a single page and really succintly sum up my attributes that would benefit the company/institution. Perhaps I should just start answering, "I am a comic who makes fun of the employed, and what do you do?" Their answer could give me a whole new topic to use for my amusement.
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