Guessing Games

Sometimes I wonder how much of my life I have spent in "Guessing" games. Much of life is a guessing game, for me anyway. I can remember as a child trying to guess what my parents' reactions would be to various things from my birthday wishlist to my refusal to eat my beans. Then after I started school, I would weigh options, and try to guess the teacher's reaction to each before deciding on a course of action. Later, as the opinions of peers became more important, I tried to guess how to get on the good side of my classmates.

As an employee, part of the time is spent trying to guess what the "boss" wants. In my experience, it seems to be a rare employer who makes his or her wants clear to employees. One of my bosses was so vague, that it was very nearly impossible to gauge what he wanted. He might as well have said, "be good." It's somewhat up to debate as to what "good" is. Then when I was informed that I would not be rehired for the next year, I was once told that I was "good." I must admit to a bit of confusion on the whole "good" issue in the workplace. Of course, I understood that he meant that "good" wasn't "good enough" to continue on his team. He didn't wish to take the time to transform me from "good" to his opinion of "great" so I was out. I no longer have to play his guessing games about how he would define "good." That fact is something that I consider to be "good" or maybe even "great" by my definition. I do not consider it to be entertainment when I have to guess what is expected of me, or what someone's reaction will be.

Some people seem to thrive on games, even guessing games. Not me. If I had a dollar for every time someone has said something to me about how I "don't know how to play the game," I wouldn't have to play any games or work because I'd have so much money I'd never be able to spend it all. I could probably feed all the starving people in third-world countries with it, and have plenty to spare. Seriously! A friend once told me that I not only did not know how to play the game, but seemed blissfully unaware that there was any game going on at all. She meant it nicely, but even someone as oblivious to reality as myself can figure out that it is not good to be unaware of the politics at work around a person.

Sometimes I have to wonder how many of the problems I have had in the workplace are because of my lack of political savvy, my lack of "game-playing" skill. I have to admit that I do not even want to play the game, whatever it is, because everyone I have heard speak of "the game" has said things that indicate that this is a game of manipulation. I have a problem with treating human beings as if they are marionettes. I do not want to pull people's strings to make them dance. I would much prefer to be appreciative of their dance that is inspired by their own ideas, thoughts, and desires. I do not think that what I want others to do is as important as allowing them to choose their pathway. I would not want someone else to deliberately mislead me to cause me to act a certain way. It seems very dishonest to me.

When I try to explain that "the game" seems manipulative and dishonest, people look at me funny and tell me that "everybody does it," which is of course untrue. After all, I am one of "everybody" and I do not play "the game."  In fact, as my friend already established, I do not usually even know it is being played! Even I realize there are manipulators everywhere, but I usually can't tell who they are until after they have caused me harm.

I am better able to guess who the "gameplayers" in hindsight. I have noticed a pattern over the years. The gamplayers usually seem to be the people who wanted me to participate in  belittling other people whether in conversation at the watercooler, employee lounge, or through emails. I apparently offend gameplayers by not participating in their feeding frenzies. I am very turned off by people who enjoy the pain of others. When someone starts making fun of how someone else is dressed, how they talk, or any other part of the person's identity, I usually try to walk away because I know that if I stay around I will end up in trouble with the gleeful bully. I have a nasty tendency to ruin all the fun by saying something like, "No, I don't think it's funny that she is wearing an outfit that is too tight. I assume she is doing the best she can with her resources just like the rest of us." That's usually the start of the end for me.

If you fail to respond the way the master gameplayer wants in any given workplace, your time there is usually limited. Apparently that is where I am clueless. I never know what they are up to. I have always thought that if I do my very best, treat others better than I expect to be treated, and go the extra mile, that I would succeed. I insist on believing that. I will admit, however, that I will not be employed long in some places if that is how I conduct myself.

It's okay, though. I'd rather be unemployed, than dead inside. If I played such hurtful games with people's lives, I'm pretty sure it would kill the best part of me, and I'd feel as dead inside as those people must feel to have no compassion for their victims. Some serial killers only kill emotionally, and there is apparently no law against it. I am thankful that they do not have the nerve to do physically what they do emotionally to their victims, or there would be an epidemic of ghastly, gruesome crime.

Many of the master gameplayers would be highly offended that I lump them with serial killers, but I see in them the same lack of compassion that is apparently in the criminals who repeatedly take life from others. I understand that what the master gameplayers do is not always as permanent as what the criminals do. I just wish that they cared that sometimes it is that permanent. Not everybody forgets the hurtful looks and words. Some take the gameplayers ridicule to heart and believe themselves to be as lacking in value as the gameplayer held them to be. Not everybody overcomes being devalued.

I will continue to be a poor gameplayer, I suppose. It is easier on my conscience than the guilt I would feel for any part in the gameplaying and its devastation. I think I have enough flaws, vices, and sins to account for, so I do not need to add any additional ones that might acrue through this "game" that is apparently played in every workplace. I suppose it will be refreshing to work at a great multitude of different workplaces over my career. On the bright side, I will only be inflicted with each game or master gameplayer for a limited time. It is always easier to bear those things which are temporary. I wonder how long it will take to recognize the master gameplayer at my next workplace? Will I see him/her coming, or only recognize him/her in hindsight? I "guess" it doesn't matter, because my time with him/her will only be temporary!